girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
