Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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