After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
