You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
