Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize
