If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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