Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
