he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
