YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
