I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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