I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
