I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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