You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
