capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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