I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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