now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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