Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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