So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
