ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
