dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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