Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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