please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
