Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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