We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
