you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
