I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I had to cum in my sink.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
