Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
