Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
