Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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