Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
