it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
