is your mom at the bar?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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