He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
