it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
