i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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