I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
