uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
