I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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