I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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