He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
