guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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