He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
