so that wasnt chicken after all
i would punch a child for taco bell
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
