Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
