Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
