What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
