he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
