Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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