Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
