My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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