She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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