my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
